Men
Everyone deserves a healthy relationship!
Men experience domestic violence at much higher rates than most people realize.
Domestic violence doesn’t just mean intimate partner violence but encompasses all family violence. Boys and men who are abused by family members are experiencing domestic violence. The abusive person could be a parent, a sibling, an adult child (especially in elder abuse cases), or another family or household member. If you are experiencing abuse in your home, help is available. Call our 24-hour hotline to be connected with a certified domestic violence advocate, at 860.763.4542.
39% of Connecticut men experience intimate partner violence and/or intimate partner stalking in their lifetimes.
1 in 13 male murder victims are killed by intimate partners.
Men can identify domestic violence by the same hallmarks of abuse as other victims. Abuse doesn’t always look the same but some things to consider are listed below. If you read over this list and recognize some of the behaviors, please consider calling our hotline to speak with an advocate.
This can include shouting, name-calling or making belittling remarks. It can also include jealousy, gaslighting, or even giving the silent treatment.
This can include things such as hitting, shoving, slapping, throwing of objects at the survivor, use of weapons or threats of self-harm.
Isolation is commonplace in abusive relationships. If your partner says you can’t leave the house or prevents you from seeing or speaking with family or friends, this is a way to isolate you from others. If they steal your keys to keep you from leaving or tries to convince you to quit school or work, they are actively working to cut you off from others, potentially shrinking your support system. You should be allowed to have friends, visit family, and do things that you enjoy, without fear of how your partner will react.
Threats may be toward children or other family members. The abusive person may threaten your friends, or even your pets. They may also make threats that are harder for others to understand. For example, maybe the abusive person doesn’t threaten to harm your children, but threatens to take them away from you.
Sexual coercion – This can include unwanted sexual advances or forced sexual acts. If someone isn’t in the mood to have sex, that should be respected, regardless of their gender. Sexual coercion can also include withholding sex to control your partner. Again, if someone isn’t in the mood, it’s important to respect that, but if your partner refuses to have sex unless you do things that you’re uncomfortable with, that’s not okay. A couple of examples are: refusing to have protected sex/removing or forcing you to remove a condom, or withholding sex unless you agree to cancel plans with friends. Sex should never be used as a means to control someone.
Stalking isn’t just following someone around. Stalking includes (but isn’t limited to): unwanted contact like phone calls, texts, and contact via social media, unwanted gifts, showing up/approaching an individual or their family/friends, monitoring, surveillance, property damage, and threats
This could be demanding money or credit cards. It could be restricting how you’re allowed to spend money. It could be mismanaging money and lying about it or ruining your credit. Financial abuse is real and can have devastating consequences.
Legal abuse can look different depending on the circumstances. Legal abuse can be the abusive person filing excessive motions in court, to force the victim/survivor to miss work/school and/or pay excessive attorney’s fees. Legal abuse can be the theft, withholding of or destruction of legal documents or papers like passports, resident cards, health insurance, or driver’s license.
Nearly 1 in 4 men have experienced some form of violence by an intimate partner.
What Can I Do For Myself?
Men are often reluctant to report abuse because they feel embarrassment or shame. Many male victims report fear that they won’t be believed. There is also fear of what the abusive person will do. Commonly reported IPV-related impacts among male victims are fear, concern for safety, and symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder, among others.
Abuse happens in all types of relationships. If you are being abused, it’s nothing to be ashamed of. There are some steps you can take to increase your safety and/or make leaving the abusive situation easier. If you need to talk to someone about it, help is available. Our 24-hour hotline number is 860.763.4542.
Don't Retaliate
This can result in you being arrested. If things are escalating, separate yourself from the other person, whenever possible. Think about your support system. Is there a friend or a relative you can call or go visit? Once you feel physically safer, calling the hotline to speak with an advocate may also be helpful. Our hotline number is 860.763.4542. Please remember that if you are afraid for your safety, it’s best to call 911.
Collect Evidence of Abuse
If you can do so safely, creating a timeline of events and compiling evidence of abuse may help you moving forward, especially if you choose to file a police report or apply for a civil restraining order. This could be a personal diary or calendar where you’ve documented the abusive behavior, digital evidence like threatening texts, emails, etc., screenshots of excessive missed calls, and threatening voicemails. If you are unsure of what types of information might be helpful, call our hotline and speak with an advocate.
Create a Safety Plan
Create a safety plan. This can help you plan how you’re going to leave, whether you plan to leave temporarily, or stay separated. Safety plans can look different for everyone. A safety plan might include packing a go-bag, opening your own bank account, or keeping important documents and medications somewhere safe. One of our domestic violence advocates can help you develop a realistic safety plan that is tailored to you and your personal needs.
Practice Self Care
This one can be challenging for any victim/survivor, especially if there are children in the home, but taking care of you, first, is an important step to learning how to move forward. This is important regardless of whether you plan to stay or leave the abusive relationship. Self-care can look different for everyone. It could be taking up a hobby, prioritizing time with family and friends, joining a support group, having some time to yourself each day to do something that you enjoy, or speaking with a therapist who has experience working with victim/survivors.
1 in 5 Men have experienced contact sexual violence by an intimate partner in their lifetime.